I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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