Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
