I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
