Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
