Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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