the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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