Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
