Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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