I could make wine with my vomit
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
