Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
