those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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