i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize