Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
