**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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