All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
