Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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