That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
