I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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