you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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