I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
