So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
