At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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