I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
