u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
