he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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