Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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