so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
