you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
