Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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