A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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