just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
