his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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