I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Two words: blizzard sex
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
