I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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