dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
