I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
