I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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