just tell him i said nine months
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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