? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
