We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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