She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
