I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize