I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize