k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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