and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
