3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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