I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
