My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
