You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
