Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
