words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sobbing to NWA
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
