I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
