My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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