apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
