If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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