I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
