im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
