I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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