I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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