see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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