Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
