I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
