Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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