I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
love makes seman taste better
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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