I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
