you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
