It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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