I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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