I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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