didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
