I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
