i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
