I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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