Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
