I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
