in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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