We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
