dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
