You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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