I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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