Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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