Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
