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mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
