I want to walk on stilts...naked
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
