:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
