I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
