I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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