after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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