Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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